"During the day, I don't believe in ghosts; at night, I'm a little more open-minded."
"Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster, and the theory of Atlantis?" "Uh … if there's a steady paycheck in it? I'll believe anything you say."
"How come when a house is haunted, it's always a ghost from the 1700's? Imagine a ghost from 2007 screaming 'IT'S BRITNEY BITCH' at 3 AM."
"If there are any spirits here tonight...let me hear you say wayo!"